Counseling: Anger Management

I don't think Northwest Arkansas is unusually plagued with angry people. In fact, it may be more laid back than average. Still, anger is one of the most destructive forces in relationships. Most angry people agree that it hurts their lives. Some research shows that anger is a major contributor to heart disease in males.

Still, anger appears and retreats almost without permission. As anger gets hold of a person there seems to be insufficient restraints to stop it. Once on a roll, there is no stopping an angry person. Better to get out of the way. If two people get going with uncontrolled anger, it isn't going to be pretty.

Here is a tip on anger.

Anger is not a primary emotion, it is a secondary emotion. In their book, "Mad About Us," Gary and Carrie Oliver share that anger is built from more fundamental reactions and emotions, usually a combination of some form of fear, hurt, or frustration, that fuels the anger. When a person is angry they are usually not aware of these underlying emotions and where they come from. At the moment of anger they believe that someone or something else has "made" them angry. In fact they are angry because they have been hurt, frustrated or scared.

The key to understanding anger and becoming a less angry person STARTS with understanding and owning the underlying emotions that give rise to the FIGHT respone expressed in many forms of anger.

Counseling NOT for Dummies

It is a common misconception that counseling is for DUMMIES - or CRAZIES - or WEAKLINGS. In fact, it is not for the faint of heart at all. It takes a great deal of courage to face one's issues and even more to share them with another person. Seeking help is hard to do.

I recently was with a group of men yes, yes, I know especially "men" don't ask for directions, and none of them had bothered to map out the route we were taking to our golf outing. After driving several miles in what was supposed to be "the direction of" the golf course, the driver asked, "are you sure the course is on this road?" There were at least 2 Iphones in the car and it took another few minutes to try to access Google Maps. When that failed someone finally just phoned the golf course for directions. This takes not asking for directions to a whole new level.

I have the greatest respect for my clients who seek counseling help. They have taken the bold step of asking for help. It is often better for them when they seek counseling help -- as it was far better for us to actually play golf rather than driving around "thinking" we know where to find what we wanted.