BLUE IS NOT A CHRISTMAS COLOR

The holidays are supposedly the brightest and most joyful time of the year. For some, nothing could be further from reality. Many people suffer the Holiday Blues. There are a number of factors that contribute to this recognized malady. For a few, it is a warning shot for a developing depressive disorder. For most it is simply a seasonal mood disruption that is manageable.

The contributing factors for holiday blues include reduced light during shortened winter days, significant losses during the previous year, e.g. divorce, death, lay off etc., disappointments stemming from family conflict, year-end guilty feelings realizing shortcomings of the this year’s performance, a predisposition to depressive moods.

If you are already being treated for depression, you may need to be extra vigilant for signs of worsening symptoms and be sure to keep up or even increase your therapy and self-care regimen (see below). If someone you love suffers from depression, be watchful for increased symptoms such as missing work, isolation, changes in appetite, changes in sleep patterns, and increased irritability. Encourage them to consult their doctor or therapist.

If the Holiday Blues is more seasonal and a familiar short term mood disturbance, then there are a few things you can do to maintain positive feelings and attitudes.

1. Get adequate sleep. It is easy to get caught up in the rush for Christmas preparations and stay up too late.
2. Eat right. Ok I know it’s the holidays but heavy meals and sugar loaded highs and the inevitable crash can play havoc with your moods.
3. Exercise. A fast walk or other exercise that maintains a heart rate of over 120 bpm is not only good for your heart but can dramatically improve your mood. There are some good brain chemicals being stimulated through elevated heart rates.
4. Remain connected to your family and friends. Isolation is a powerful and subtle force that can inhibit good feelings.
5. Don’t try to do everything. Some things are simply not as important as they seem.
6. Avoid negative people. You may not be able to completely avoid the family members that are not on your A list but you might be able to limit your time by scheduling yourself to be there only “for a couple of hours” rather than staying the whole day. The guilt you feel for not staying may be better than the frazzled nerves if you do.
7. Watch your self-talk. If you think negatively about yourself, you will probably feel more blue. Consciously monitor how you talk to yourself and think about issues. If you have made a mistake, refuse to call yourself names and say something instead like “Humans make mistakes. I am human so I am allowed a mistake.”
8. Intentionally do or read something every day that makes you smile.
9. Help someone else. If you get your mind off your own troubles and do something good for others you will almost always feel better.
10. Be thankful for something every hour. Set your watch to beep every hour and search for something of which you can be grateful for 2 minutes at a time. That’s only twenty minutes of positive feelings every day.

So there you have it, a short list of how to conquer the Holiday Blues. There may be other things that work for you. Be creative. Plan ahead and be grateful for incremental progress.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year … Really!

ALL CHILDREN FLY AWAY

ALL CHILDREN FLY AWAY

What is a mother to do when her baby bird gains its feathers? A friend recently lamented that she would take her 2 year old son for his first hair cut the next day. A sheer tragedy that his blonde baby curls would find the barber’s floor. There was tension in her face and a tear in her eye. The bitter truth was evident. Her baby was taking another step toward adulthood. It was not the last step, thank God, but it seemed only another week and he would be packing his car to go to college. A sense of loss and dread came for she knows as all mothers know that a day far too soon there he will be no baby and she will be stretched into an ever changing era of motherhood.

As school starts, mothers find themselves in a similar dread. Bustling for “back to school” and shopping for the fall wardrobe, she confronts the conflicting feelings of pride and sadness as first days are at hand. Her toddler is scheduled for her first day of Kindergarten, her elementary child now a pubescent Junior High student, and an astonishingly adult-like young woman begins her High School career, and proud confusion upon confusion when her graduate sets up his University dorm room.

A mother’s identity can sometimes get stuck on what “should” have been. Many mothers experience guilt and remorse in the difficulties of the previous stage. She may even fear she has caused her child harm, haunted by the memories of disappointments or failures or broken promises. It seems that there is never enough mother to cover a day’s needs. Such fears hinder her from entering into the celebration of the “first day” that is now upon her. Regrets can dampen the excitement and joy of the new adventure that her child is entering.

Another fear may come. She asks herself if she is up to the task of the next stage. It is one thing to change a diaper or bandage a booboo, but quite another to relearn algebra, empathize with a broken puppy love heart, settle her own heart when her baby is steering 2 tons of steel and rubber at 70 miles per hour with those crazy drivers on the highway out of reach of her protective wings. Letting go is hard in any realm, but no more so when a mother must transition from being everything to an infant to a mere advisor to her nearly independent university student. God is merciful to grow them up as slowly as He does for it is overwhelming at the pace it actually comes.

But wait. Don’t lose sight of the main job description. The task of parenting is to teach the chicks to fly. Set aside regrets and fears. Transitions are truly marks of success for parents. Mothers nurture her chick to the edge of his healthy new life. He must flap his wings and imitate the full flight long mastered by his parents. Her son must leap (or be pushed), to test if his wings can carry him from branch to branch.

Yes mothers, celebrate your motherhood! Be joyful and proud and lead your child in excitement and anticipation as she meets her teacher, gets her locker, chooses her friends, develops her own personality, chooses her own path and learns from her own mistakes. You too are on an adventure of trust and fear. You must take another step back from the hands-on management of her life -- a challenging transition of your own. A step back as they step forward. A little less in control, a little less telling them and less doing for them. A little more respecting their independence and allowing them to learn from their own mistakes. A little less able to protect and a little more trusting them and God for their safety and security.

So as the tears come when you watch your child enter his “first day” of riding the bus, driving himself to school, or buying her first semester’s books, remember that mothers are always mothers. The involvement levels and responsibilities will be reduced. The steps back are painful and filled with anxiety. The regrets will heal. Find freedom in your heart to celebrate the successful passage of a child into their new step of maturity. Champion their achievement and join them in the adventure of growing up. With every expression of independence of your son or daughter allow the quiet, confident grin to cross your face, that you have been part of the making of a good man or woman and watch them fly.

Originally Published on page 7 of The Metro Woman, August 2010 http://www.themetrowoman.com/

Depression: Singing the Blues When the Band is Playing Swing

Many people "Sing the Blues." They feel trapped as if there is no way out of the pit of deep sadness and debilitating lack of motivation. Everyone else seems able to enjoy the Swing Band’s melody and kick up their heels with the joy of living. Depression sufferers find it difficult even to get out of bed.

Depression is a serious mental/emotional problem. Depression affects 1 in 6 Americans every year. Women are twice as likely to experience depression as men. Major Depression of various types affects 10%. Left untreated, suicide is often the tragic result.

Everyone feels sad from time to time. Usually there are negative circumstances that make sense of down moods and in less than two weeks the sadness will have largely dissipated or at least not have disrupted regular life activities.

Depression is different. Sad or irritable feelings without a sufficient identifiable cause (grief, loss etc.). Depression binds people in intense sadness and other symptoms on most days for more than 2 weeks.

It is not a choice. Depression is not something people can “snap out of” or “choose not to feel” nor can it be “easily solved by fervent spiritual disciplines.” Depression results from a complex interaction between physical, emotional, circumstantial and spiritual components. Oversimplifying the causes can create confusion and disillusionment and can serve to deepen the depression.

Besides sadness, the symptoms of Depression include

• Preoccupation with Death
• Suicidal Thinking or Acts
• Chronic Aches & Pains
• Sleep Disturbances, either too much or too little
• Lack of Interest in Hygiene and may be Unkempt
• Loss of Interest in Sex
• Low Energy, slow and heavy speech patterns
• Guilt Feelings
• Feeling Worthless / Hopeless or Disappointed in oneself
• Self Condemning Thoughts
• Sad for no reason
• Anxiety / panic*Loss of Interest in things that were once enjoyable
• Irritable, Restless, Agitated
• Inability to Concentrate
• Decreased Decision Ability
• Thoughts of Death / Suicide
• Difficulty Thinking / Remembering
• “I don’t care” attitude
• Feeling Abandoned by God
• Lack of Purpose or Meaning
• Loss of Interest in Spiritual Things
• Withdrawal from Family/Friends

Again, experiencing any combination of these symptoms for more than 2 weeks indicates depression. Immediate treatment is the best course. Here are some steps toward treating depression and improving mood symptoms.

• If you have suicidal thoughts GET HELP IMMEDIATELY. Call 911 or go to an EMERGENCY ROOM.
• Schedule an appointment with your physician to discuss symptoms and rule out other medical causes
• Maintaining Overall Good Physical Health including adequate exercise and good nutrition play a vital role in maintaining mood stability and avoiding depression.
• Tell someone you trust about your feelings, e.g. a good friend, teacher, school counselor, Physician, minister, priest, rabbi, or spiritual leader.
• Maintain positive connections or become connected to friends, groups and family. Avoid isolation.
• Schedule an appointment with a counselor or other mental health practitioner to assess your situation and begin treatment (NCI contact number is 479-855-5704 or email at bill@ncicares.com).
• If medication is prescribed, it is important to seek counseling as well because medication without therapy is far less effective than when used in combination with counseling.
• Developing good self esteem through positive self talk can dramatically improve mood over time.

Suggestions for maintaining good emotional health:

• Maintain positive self talk. Don’t allow self condemning thoughts and replace them with accurate and positive self affirmation.
• Engage in positive social interaction.
• Begin or maintain activities that provide purpose and enjoyment in life.
• Exercise: 20 minutes or more of heart healthy exertion will improve mood by releasing the feel good brain chemicals called endorphins and reduce harmful immune system chemicals that can worsen depression. Exercise also increases body temperature which may have calming effects
• Eating a Healthy Diet can also have profound influences on mood. Overeating and eating certain foods can have a “mood lowering” effect on some people.
• Seek Counseling soon after life circumstances are disrupted through loss or other challenges. The longer you wait, the more difficult and lengthy the recovery.
• Have Regular Medical Checkups. There are some diseases such as heart disease and diabetes that can have a profound effect on mood.
• Maintain or develop spiritual pursuits with a group, clergy or spiritual leader.
• Develop at least one friendship in which you can share your real feelings.

Depression a common. Many suffer from its effects and find themselves Singing the Blues. In the words of Duke Ellington, “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing.” The good news is that Depression is almost always responsive to available treatment. In as little as a few days to several weeks there is likely to be a noticeable improvement in mood, more energy and a return to the enjoyments of life. Many resources are available to people who suffer from depression. Self Help, Medical Intervention, Spiritual Support and Professional Counseling can combine to shake the Blues and Swing into the joy of living.